How do you know counseling is working?

Written By Leslie McReynolds

How to tell when your mental health is improving.

I often tell my clients that counseling is to help them become the person they want to be. Instead of lashing out and reacting emotionally, my clients tell me they want to learn how to respond from a place of calm and reason. They are tired of feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or burned out. I’m an existential therapist, so I believe we are capable of change at any point in our development. Nothing is written in stone. In session, we focus on becoming, we focus on freedom to make our own choices, and we look to the future with hope and optimism.

young woman and a counselor sitting on a blue couch

But how do we know when growth and healing are happening?

When working with couples and families, it’s easier to tell when positive change has occurred. There’s more accountability. There’s someone to hold a mirror up and give us feedback. When I ask, “How do you know things are better?”, I typically hear things like:

“We’re fighting less and having more fun.”

“We’re joking around more.”

“The energy in the house feels better.”

“My partner and I are treating each other like best friends again.”

When working with individuals, it can be harder to tell. How do we know when we are not reacting from fear, stress, anxiety, anger, trauma, or betrayal? How do we know when we’ve changed for the better? Noted psychologist Richard Schwartz addressed this concept with his Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach. He introduced the Core Self, the wise self, to help us understand ourselves as a “whole person”, under the hurt, stress, and anger. 

young woman sitting on a beige couch with a cup of coffee

The Core Self is made of the 8 C’s and the 5 Ps, qualities that we can feel more and more as we heal and improve our mental health. They help us live in a state of reason, peace, and joy. When life gets hard, these qualities help anchor us with resilience and the knowledge that suffering is temporary. 

8 Cs:

  • Curiosity

  • Compassion

  • Calm

  • Creativity

  • Clarity

  • Confidence

  • Courage

  • Connectedness

5 Ps:

  • Playfulness

  • Perspective

  • Patience

  • Presence

  • Persistence

Is there a word that resonates with you? Or is there a word you are missing in your life?

Take some time to meditate or reflect on how you can bring these qualities into your daily life. Strive to make the C’s and P’s more important than your stress.

Leslie McReynolds
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